We lost our sweet baby boy, our shy old man today. And my heart is broken.
18 is a good long life for a cat. He was sweet, gentle, and unassuming. Shy and affectionate, noble and companionable. Handsome and loved his chin scratches... always had to be under my hands as I typed or crafted, because if my hands were doing stuff, it should be petting him. Always trying to be the alpha, but just too dang nice and to really do it. The sweet prince that always wanted to be king, but never was allowed the chance.
It wasn't unexpected, we knew he was coming on his time. He had lost his middle aged hanging belly and thinned down to old man skinny. But it's still a shock in a way, a feeling of empty as I sit here and type because he should be rubbing my hand and sniffing my coffee cup, and for sure drinking out of my water glass.
He passed in the wee hours of the morning- how fitting he should pass on the day of the longest night with the star in the west to guide his way. His last weeks and days were comfortable and without pain.
He had already stopped trying to cuddle in bed, I think the jump down, Tikki taking over, and my own restless sleeping most cut that off.... I missed it, and now I know I'll only experience his ghost doing it now. He wasn't cuddly in general, always happiest along with you instead of on top of you. But he would nestle into my shoulder, and rest his head on my hand or arm, safe and happy.
He was extra cuddly at the desk, almost like he wanted to make sure I knew how much he loved me, and making sure I still loved him just as much too.
With dawn, we went out and dug a grave, close to his friends that we have lost before- Moon and Pookums- and they will be happy to see him over the rainbow bridge again. It hurts every time, but Marbles was something remarkable and rare, and this is more painful than usual. At least Mother Nature is being kind and the day that was supposed to be sleet turning to rain has turned out to be mild, sunny, and sweet like him- a fitting tribute for the sun to kiss him into the longest night. He's now tucked safe into his forever bed, and the sky can cry for him later if it wants to. Now that garden is 3/4 done, and I fear the heartache that will come once it's completed.
It's been a hell of a year, but losing my sweet boy has left me lost without my almost ever present desk companion. I'm not quite sure just how I'm supposed to function and go back to regular working again without hand nudges and sleepy kitty contentment. He's been my companion for almost half my life, and for sure the majority of my adult life.
The shortest day into the longest night is today... and today was Marbles shortest day into his longest night too. It's eloquent, quietly grandly regal, unassuming, and so totally his style that I can't help but smile at my sweet prince while I'm crying.
Goodnight my sweet, sweet Marbles, I love you and will never get over you.
